Help for the helper

IT'S OKAY THAT THIS IS HARD. Field practicum is many things. It's exciting. It's way different from what I've been doing for more than a decade. It's shocking, and troubling, and difficult.

I've decided that I am not going to do it alone. Yes, I have a field instructor, a field liaison and a field professor. I also have a loving husband and some really great friends. I have a safety net that I feel honored to call my own.

And I am going to talk to a therapist. Heck, yeah. I am going to be one in less time than it takes to have a baby, so I think I have faith in the healing practice called psychotherapy.

Today I sat with a LCSW who gets it. She knows all about tough love and being triggered. She went through the same MSW program that I did at the same school. She gets that graduate school and internships in the social work field are tough; she's done it!

I need support and I am not afraid or ashamed to admit it.

One of my readings for class ('What about Feelings?: A Study of Emotion and Tension in Social Work Field Education), explores the difficulties inherent in field practicum for students. It also speaks to the harsh reality that students often keep things inside and tough it out. You know, we do the exact opposite of what we want our clients to do!

Guess what, though? We are all made of the same stuff -- we human beings. We aren't "better than or less than" in this department. When we see stuff that is painful, hurtful and cruel, we will be affected by it. And, I believe that if I am I going to be a useful and effective social worker, I must stay centered and balanced. Or, I will not be helping anyone.

"In order to have compassion for others, we have to have compassion for ourselves (Pema Chodron).

~Ms. T. J.

Multi-Tasking or Multi-Slacking?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sorosh/ / CC BY 2.0

My colleague and I are both social work PhD students in the same program here in Boston. In an effort to support each other and get some work done by holding each other accountable, we have gotten into the habit (PHEW!) of making time on Monday and Fridays to work on our schoolwork.

We're always chatting about how to be productive with our own to-do lists from hell. I use Remember the Milk to try and get organized and manage all the tasks that need to get done. Yet lately it seems there is always something to do and we both suffer from feelings of "how to get it ALL done?? and oh yeah, have a life...and exercise...and self-care...and...and..."

My friend has coined a new phrase for this mode called Multi-Slacking that I absolutely adore. Doesn't it just describe the feeling perfectly? And yet, how to get past it?

Readers, I'd love to get your feedback! Do you use technology to help manage or get things done? Or does information overload set in?

One class, a clean house and lots o' reading!

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL thing to have a class that meets every other week. On Fridays, I will alternate between having one and two classes, and I couldn't be happier about the arrangement.

So what did I do with my one-class day? I ran some errands, had a nice lunch, cleaned the house and got all my reading assignments finished.

Now I am going to shower and hit the bed. It's been a good school day.

~Ms. T. J.

Today was ...

I AM SEARCHING for the right adjectives and they all fall short.

Today was really hard, really sad. Because I saw evidence from abuse that is unfathomable. Malnourishment, bruises, marks, and scars from belt-buckles.

All I can think of are the lyrics from "What's the Matter Here," by Natalie Merchant (click here to see a performance by her) :

"Answer me and take your time,
what could be the awful crime
he could do at so young an age?

If I'm the only witness to your madness
offer me some words to balance out
what I see and what I hear.

All these cold, cold things that you do
I suppose you do
because he belongs to you

And instead of love and the feel of warmth
you've given him these cuts and sores
that don't heal with time or with age.

And I want to say, now,
want to say hey, hey,
'What's the Matter here?'

But I don't dare say,
'What's the Matter here?'

But I don't dare say it."

You are safe tonight, little angels.

~Ms. T. J.

When people leave

LOT'S OF FOLKS ARE JUMPING SHIP at the child welfare agency where I have been placed for my field practicum. Is it the furloughs? The caseloads? The morale? All of the above?

It's hard to say as a second-week intern, and I am trying to see the silver lining. I also am not judging people for doing what they need to do. I just did the same thing; I left a job that, for a myriad of reasons, no longer fit my lifestyle. I get it.

I do worry about the service delivery for the clients, of course, but the agency is doing whatever it can to garner support. Workers are coming from other agencies throughout the state to help, and the people who are staying, are working hard.

I don't know enough about the process to know where I can ease the load, but I am at the ready and I have made it clear that I am willing to help. My sister interns look very busy as I pass them throughout the day, so I know we can make a difference in these tough times.

Godspeed to the workers who need to leave and God bless those who choose to stay.

~Ms. T. J.

But for the grace of God...

THE DAY STARTED out pretty calmly. I met my field instructor and instantly liked her. She told me I'd be accompanying another worker to court this morning. I was excited. The case involved an autistic child who had sustained injuries while under his parent's care.

After the judge ruled that the child would be removed from his home, we headed back to the office. My companion got on her cell phone, and I tried to sort it out in my head. I thought about the days to come, and I am grateful we only get one day at a time.

Tonight when we got home, my husband and I went out for a sandwich. We were finishing our dinner when we were interrupted by a server's harsh voice as she yelled at, and then chased a man from the doorway. He was trying to get a light for his cigarette.

Startled by the server's reaction to the man, I observed him as he stood outside the glass windows of the restaurant. He stood unusually erect and his head jerked about like a nervous bird. My rule-out diagnosis? Schizophrenia.

A young man from the kitchen headed toward the front door with a book of matches, but a woman beat him to it as she emerged from the parking lot to light the man's smoke. The young man handed him the matches and returned to the kitchen. Wishing I'd had matches for the man, I said to the young man, "That was very kind of you."

I asked the server where the man was from and she snorted, "Around. He's ..." (she made circles with her pointer finger at the side of her head, signifying that she thought he was crazy). I wanted to say something to her, perhaps to enlighten her, but I didn't have it in me. And, it's probably best that I didn't.

As we left the restaurant, we walked past the man and wished him a nice evening. His face burst into a big smile.

But for the grace of God go I...

~Ms. T. J.

Motivational Interviewing

ANOTHER DEDICATED HOMEWORK DAY, and this one was a bit more successful than the last. I will get my bearings; I need to be patient with myself.

I had a doctor's appointment. While all the babies were delightfully distracting with their gurgling and cooing, I was able to do some intermittent reading. I read about Motivational Interviewing. I think I get the gist of it. It's client-centered and directive. It's used often with the ambivalent client, and often with substance abusers and others who don't readily see the pain they are causing others with their behavior. I find it fascinating that it can be so successful in brief doses. It can be a precursor for other theory-based treatment, also. And, it can be used, replaced and used again, with the same client. I still have more to read about it, and I am diggin' it.

I took my book into the Mexican restaurant at lunchtime and spilled salsa on the page that held the definition for Motivational Interviewing! The stain may bring back a great memory one day.

Then I was off to the eyeglass store where I picked out a new pair that will hopefully help me to transition from computer to textbook and back again.

I got in a bunch of exercise, too, which is helping me to manage the stress of all the unfamiliar stuff I'm doing these days. Leaving the comfort zone (job) I was in for 10 years is harder than I thought. Don't get me wrong: I don't miss it and I don't want to go back. It was a routine and now it's gone. Time will move me into this new place.

Tomorrow (hopefully), I will meet my field instructor for the first time. I start my rotation training in Investigations. Over the weekend, at a dinner party, I met a new friend who is a police officer. He often is dispatched to homes where children are removed, and he meets the social worker(s) at the scene. We talked about our roles and I left with his business card. There's a good chance that I will see him on the job. It was a serendipitous evening and I love how life works out that way.

~Ms. T. J.