GUEST POST: How To Bring Conversations to a Screeching Halt

by Kristin Johnson

I learned many years ago when I made a woman cry (at a party no less) that sometimes even the mere mention of what I do for a living can shut down just about any conversation.  I was at a friend’s baby shower, and we were all recent college grads.  The hostess asked me if I was working, and I told her I was a child protection social worker.  She dissolved into tears as she described a story she had just read in the paper about a baby being abused by a parent. It was a terrible story, but she immediately associated me with that story and spent the rest of the shower tearfully telling me that she didn’t know how I could possibly do my job.

I’m never sure how to take that comment, and I get it all the time.  Sometimes it’s spoken with a bit of awe:   “I don’t know how you do your job!”   Other times, it comes across with a bit of a tone:  “I could never do your job.”   I understand that it’s usually meant as some type of compliment, but I also wonder if the unspoken question is, ”What kind of person chooses to be around such misery every day?”

There are other professions that involve varying degrees of sadness, stress, overwork, and worry, but they are usually viewed with more admiration.    Oncologists, fire fighters, police officers, NICU nurses…usually these people are admired and honored, and they are often portrayed in the media as noble, self-sacrificing warriors.

Social work is rarely portrayed in the media, but when it is, it is almost universally negative.  Usually, the social worker is the cold and unfeeling.  Oftentimes the “real hero” of the story tries to protect the child in question from “the system” out of fear that the child will get lost or abused even worse if that nasty social worker gets her hands on him.

It is even more negative when there is a high profile child abuse case in the news.  These cases are often the only time that child protection gets any media attention, and the story is usually about whether the system did enough.  At worst, the stories attack and blame the local child protection agency for failing to protect the child.  And because of data privacy laws, the local agency can say nothing more than, “no comment,” which in this day and age is often taken as an admission of guilt.

So back to the question: “How do you do your job?”  I can only speak for myself, but I have learned to accept the reality that sometimes Bad Things happen to kids.   It’s a truth that feels wrong to accept.  For one, adults are supposed to be the protectors of children, and if we accept that child abuse happens, then doesn’t it mean that the adults have failed?   Second, most people who hurt their children don’t look the part.  There are a thousand reasons why a parent abuses a child, but it is rare that a parent hurts his child with no guilt, shame, or remorse.  The vast majority of parents who hurt their children also love those same children dearly.  It is a paradox that is hard to grasp in a black and white world.    

The grimace that I get from people who ask about my job comes from not wanting to think about or hear about child abuse.  And I get that completely.  There are days that I don’t want to think about it either.  In our office, we talk about how nice it would be not to know what we know.  I’m guessing it’s that feeling that leads to the burnout that is common in the profession.

But to be honest, there’s not a lot of turnover at my agency, and that’s because we also laugh a lot—not at our clients’ expense, but we do laugh about almost everything else that comes with our jobs—awkwardly observing urine drug testing, getting chased by mangy dogs, playing cards with hilarious grade schoolers.  So sometimes all we can do is laugh.  And many times, my clients and I laugh together.

So my usual answer to the question that brings a hush over the room is that I have learned to accept, to do the best I can, to be kind, and to laugh.

Kristin Johnson has worked for nearly 20 years at Goodhue County Social Services in Red Wing, MN.  She has recently published a novel based in the child protection system called “unprotected.”  Find more information at www.kristinleejohnson.com.

The Two-Month Countdown is On!

WHEN I LOOKED AT TODAY'S DATE, I knew there was something significant about it. Hmm... March 8--what could it be? Then I realized that it is exactly two months from graduation day! May 8, 2010 is truly just around the corner. We passed the half-way point of the semester last week, completed our mid-terms, and we are definitely on the downhill slide!

I was having coffee with a friend today and I shared that now that graduation is so close, I am having many feelings. I am naturally a bit nervous, and I have a lot of faith in the future. The sky is the limit! I know that I can do many things with this degree, including, and not limited to, child welfare.

As a Title-IV E grant recipient, I still have the option to opt out and pay back the grant that covered my tuition and books. My plan, since the very beginning, has been to pay back the grant with my employment at a child welfare agency.

A friend of mine is chief of surgery at a local hospital in my city and, before I started school, I consulted with him about the child welfare idea. He encouraged me to apply for the Title-IV E grant, and he likened the child welfare agency to the "bowels" of big city hospitals where he completed his residency in New York--where they get the chance to treat the "sickest of the sick." He said the state agencies would be the best training grounds for me, because I would be working on the toughest cases in child welfare.

I am excited about it. I believe I have something to offer, and I want to help. There have been days when I have left my internship deeply saddened and disturbed by the behavior of human beings--and the ways they maltreat children. And, I have not wanted to leave when it was time to go because I was so impassioned about the work.

In a mere two months, I will be a M. S. W., and qualified to take a job as a clinician. It seems hard to imagine, yet totally real! And, what a journey it has been so far.

~Ms. T. J.

"Goosebumps" While Waiting

TODAY WAS MY LAST DAY OF FIELD PRACTICUM for this semester. For the better part of the day, it was fairly uneventful. I tidied up the office since I won't return until January, and I called a medical collateral contact. My field instructor gave me my final evaluation, and that was about it.

At about 4:45, I walked down the hall to say good-bye to an employee who has been so helpful and supportive for the last 15 weeks of my practicum. Something (someone) caught my eye as I was standing in her doorway. I turned to see two young children sitting outside a nearby cubicle. One of the kids had her head buried in a book, and the smaller of the two kept glancing in my direction. I asked the worker who they were and what they were doing. When she shrugged her shoulders indicating that she didn't know, I said, "I think I'll say hello."

As it turned out, the two children had arrived at the agency for a visitation with their parents who were supposed to have been there at 3:30 p.m. It was almost 5 p.m. The elder sibling kept her head in her book -- one of a series of "Goosebumps" readers for young people.

"What are you doing?" I inquired, with a smile.

"Waiting for our parents," said the youngest child, who seemed eager to engage.

"Where are they?" I asked.

She shrugged and said something about her Mom being at home and her Dad at the shelter. The older child, whose eyes never left the page, said, "You don't know that." The youngest child proceeded to explain that Dad was in a men's-only facility, so she was pretty sure it was a shelter. They were 7 and 11 -- going on 25 and 27.

My heart was breaking. Here it was, a couple of days before Thanksgiving, and this would be the last chance they might see their parents before the holiday.

"I wish I had some Checkers so you could have played a game while you were waiting," I offered. "I'll have to bring a game to the office...," my words trailed off.

I decided to stay late and keep them company while they waited for a worker to drive them back to the foster home that they shared with several other children. I listened, and learned that the younger sister felt like one of the kids who they lived with wasn't very nice. I praised them for the good behavior they exhibited while they waited an hour and a half for parents who never came.

"How disappointing it must feel," I'd said to the younger girl when she told me the story, and, "I am sorry they didn't come."

The older child never looked up from her "Goosebumps" storybook.

When I left the building, I no longer felt as buoyed by the promise of a month of vacation. I felt sad. And, I felt passionate about returning to the child welfare agency when vacation is over. There is so much work to be done and so many children we need to serve.

~Ms. T. J.

Partners in time

I AM SO TIRED. Because my goal is to blog everyday, I feel obligated to write a couple of words, at least.

At field today I accompanied a case manager on an investigation, had a delicious lunch with her, and did a bit of paperwork-related work at the office before we headed back out to the field. Though we didn't catch anyone at home (this happens in investigations), I learned lots of lessons from the passenger seat. She may not know it, but this child welfare worker is teaching me the ropes. I am watching her as she maneuvers through the days, and she does it really well. She often sells herself short, but I can see the good she's doing. And, I'm grateful to be along for the ride. Literally.

Ms. T. J.

Finding friends

I HAVE BEEN IN FIELD for a month now and I am learning a lot. I am breathing when I remember and trying to relax. The days of being in charge at the magazine are over. There I knew just what to do and when. Now, I know little, and the lack of structure has become my only structure!

I am happy to get to know the people who fill the offices and cubicles at the child welfare agency. They have been kind and patient. One caseworker in particular offers a smile and helping hand. She's very professional and I like her style. She cares about people and though she may not identify herself in this way, she definitely uses the strengths perspective in her dealings with clients.

My field instructor, though incredibly busy, has come through for me in every way I need in regard to school needs. I don't expect her to be at my side 24/7, and it's a good thing!

There is an administrative person who I like a bunch, too. She seems to hold things together, as most office manager types do. I appreciate her.

I'm getting acquainted with a guy who also blogs, and he shared some of his writing with me today.

I am trying to add to the mix. I hope I can be a useful worker in the group. I was reading about how important it is to be a member in this life, be it a community, a workplace, and/or a family. Sign me up!

~Ms. T. J.