The Big Overwhelm

MAYBE IF I POST, IT WON'T FEEL SO BIG.

So here it is--32 days from graduation (May 8), 20 days left of the semester (April 24), and three weekends of classes to attend. I have three papers, a journal assignment and a final exam to complete and then I will be finished. In addition to that, I will complete several modules for the child welfare agency that I am currently interning with, and will be employed by(!) on May 17. On the very top of all of this (right beside the cherry), I want to study for the Master's Exam.

{insert silent scream here}

I am writing this post for two reasons: 1.) to release tension, and 2.) to help another student who might be out there feeling overwhelmed, too.

These are the days we will probably not remember in the days, months, and years to come. Like my Dad used to say about stuff that was troubling me when I was just a child: "You'll forget all about this by the time you get married." Back then it was a skinned knee or a lost toy; today it's a Master's degree. Go figure!

A quote from a meditation book I keep close at hand states:

On accepting your path through life:

Your way is decided
There is nothing you will not be told,
if you acknowledge this.

So be it.

~Ms. T. J.

Homework Countdown

ONE FAMILY INTERVENTION ANALYSIS (due date April 10). One Clinical II final exam paper (due date April 16). Part three of the integrative seminar paper (due date April 17). Field practice journals (due date April 24). One final exam (test date April 24 0r May 1).

Can I say Senior-itis? UGH! I am going to finish them in order of their due dates. It feels a bit overwhelming tonight, but I am going to pick away at them in the days to come until they are completed. If I could offer any advice to new students, it would be to do things in order, on a schedule, unless you just want to do something first to get it off your plate. I find that it is less stressful if I just do things in the order they are due; that way I get assignments in on time.

A few weeks ago, right after mid-terms, we had two big papers due. It was maddening. That week, for me, was tougher than the actual mid-term week. I stayed with it, though, and I ended up getting an A on a really tough project. Our professor commented that we were getting tired. It was true. I was exhausted! But I stayed the course, and finished everything in good time. I pulled an all-nighter; it was the second one in the two-and-a-half years I've been in school.

Right now, I am working on the Family Intervention Analysis paper. It's a doozy! The class is a doctorate level course; it's a terrible thing to do to an MSW student during the last semester.

Good luck to you as we head into the end of the semester. If you are getting ready to graduate, hang in there! You can do it.

~Ms. T. J.

Got the call; Got the offer; God is good.

THIS AFTERNOON AT 12:27, I GOT THE CALL.

The polished HR professional called to make an offer. I let him tell me all about it and "sell me" a little. I listened as he talked salary, and hire date, and orientation. He explained the job and the fast-track possibilities and the benefits. I asked questions and had him repeat some information so I could write it all down.

And then, I accepted the offer.

Wow. It's still 36 days from graduation and I have a job. While many folks are unemployed, I will soon have a new career (and a paycheck). Do I feel grateful? You bet I do.

For all of you soon-to-be or wanna-be Social Workers, let this be a beacon of hope for you. Getting your B.S.W. or M.S.W. is worth it! There are jobs out there. For YOU! If you decide to "do the deal," go the extra mile, work like you mean it, and love what you are working toward, you will find a place to begin your career. The world needs us--more than ever!

I was awarded the Title-IV-E grant from the state at the onset of my MSW education, but that did not guarantee that I would be hired. Yes, the state hopes they will hire us as we are an "investment" for them. But I have heard of many Title IV-E grant recipients who did not get hired. We are thrown into the applicant pool like every other person--and it's competitive.

As I get ready to settle in for the night after a celebratory dinner with my husband, I am counting my blessings. I am also grateful for what I have brought to the table these past days, months, and years. I have been a dedicated student, a diligent worker at my internship, and a good person. I don't take the credit, however. I know that I was created by a Higher Power, and that Source has guided me every step of the way.

~Ms. T. J.

Job Interview No. 1

I BELIEVE THE INTERVIEW WENT VERY WELL. And while it was no walk in the park, I think I have a good chance at getting the job. There were three components: the interview; a short written exercise; and a typing exam (more for form and accuracy than speed). I was impressed with the caliber of the interview team, as well as the fact that the government social service agency takes the business of child welfare so seriously.

The HR team's interview process was streamlined, and I was the last interview of the day. This made my day a bit maddening; I would much rather have gotten it over with in the morning when I was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

When they asked me where I wanted to work, I told them that I was more interested in the ongoing units, and that I think Foster Care might be a good place for me to start. I have only worked on the placement unit for one day! I am basing this on what I have heard and witnessed--not on what I have done. My entire internship has been on the CPS side of the agency. It would actually be easier for me to work on that side because I have the most experience there. But I am drawn to Foster Care.

I am going to turn this over to my Higher Power because at this moment in time, if I get a job offer, I don't really know where my best fit may be. And there may be more than one "great fit." What I know is that I have officially left my comfort zone. It is a thing of the past!

My hopes and prayers are that I will continue to be teachable, that I will continue to be divinely led, that I will continue to be willing to step out--to leap in faith, and to trust that all is well.

~Ms. T. J.

The other side of the house--and a job interview

TOMORROW I MOVE INTO PLACEMENT at my field practicum. I have been on the CPS side of the child welfare agency ever since I started my internship back in Fall 2009.

I have always been drawn to Foster Care. Now is my opportunity to find out if it's a good fit for me. With just a few short weeks left in field placement, I want to experience as much as I can before I consider a position.

Oh, did I mention I have my first interview on Wednesday?

I was really excited when I got the call last week. I'll "go upstairs" at 4:30 p.m. Wednesday. Please send lots of light!

~Ms. T. J.

Layers of the onion

SOMETIMES IT'S ALL TOO MUCH. Really. You go on a home visit. The house is filthy--and when you sit down on the couch you feel your feet sticking to places on the carpet. Boxes of perishable food are stacked on the floor in in the middle of the living room, and once-cold packages of apple sauce and other foods are sweating as they adjust to the room's temperature.

A dryer is set up in the dining room, and there are no table or chairs--no sign of habitation, really, throughout the rooms nor on the walls of this place. As you head into the kitchen you notice a virtual colony of insects congregating on the linoleum. Roaches--the German kind--are flitting across the floor in broad daylight, followed by other creepy-crawly things, and flies. When Mom opens the refrigerator door, the stench from inside almost knocks you over, and you steel yourself so as not to appear unkind.

Glancing at the carpet, you see coins and staples, bits and pieces of paper, and other indistinguishable things scattered about. "Is your child crawling yet?" you ask, as he is not at home for you to observe.

"Oh, yes, he's crawling and getting into everything!" Mom replies, proudly beaming from ear to ear.

Picking up a coin, a staple, and some scraps of paper you explain how dangerous these could be for a young child, were he to put them in his mouth, which he is normally apt to do. You talk about the importance of cleaning the floors in general, inquire about the bug issues, and discuss solutions.

You peek into the bedrooms, and it is impossible to see the child's bed, and most of the mother's bed, as clothing is heaped high upon each of them. You ask where the child sleeps and Mom has to take you into the small room and point directly at the area. You see a little bit of a headboard poking out of the laundry piles. Mom explains that she is cleaning out her closet, but it's evident that the room has been like this for sometime.

When the representative from the lab comes to get a urine sample for analysis, he spends a long time searching the bathroom and having Mom remove various bottles of shampoos, soaps, etc. After he finishes, he stands outside the door waiting and listening. Mom reports that she is unable to void. He leaves with an empty cup.

After an in-depth interview, you leave the home, taking with you the smell of stale cigarette smoke and feeling like you need a long scrub in a hot shower.

Where to begin? There are so many places to start. How about right where she is?

~Ms. T. J.

Learning to be flexible

FIVE. That's the number of work spaces I've inhabited since I began my internship back in the Fall of 2009. On the bright side, I've gotten the lay of the land in my agency like nobody's business!

I am happy to report this move was an upgrade. Once again I am in an office rather than a cubicle. I started in a cubicle, moved into an office, then into another office, back into a cubicle, and now I am in an office. These are all different offices and cubicles, mind you. I say this not to complain but rather to let you know that the only thing certain about an internship is the uncertainty!

I have learned many things while at this agency, and I believe one of my biggest lessons has been the one I've learned about attachment--or more specifically, detachment. In some 12-step programs detachment is defined as "letting go with love." I can't say that applies exactly, but my attachment to attachment has been a fickle source of comfort for me over the years.

Change is imminent, and while I like to try new things, travel to new places, and meet new people, I have also found it comforting to be in positions which offered a sense of security and routine.

This internship is not like that.

Every day that I walk in, I never really know what's in store for me, or if I'll be in the same space. And, as surprising as it is to me, I like it. The lack of structure is liberating in a way that is hard to describe. I like the not knowing! I like not being in charge of my day, to some extent. And, I enjoy the challenge of it all.

Today I worked until 7 p.m. and it felt like I was only there for a few hours. I know this isn't something I can keep doing as an intern, and yet today it felt really great to be working on a project, and seeing it through to the end.

As crazy as this sounds--even to me--I can't wait to go back tomorrow!

~Ms. T. J.